We are living in a Material World and I am a Material Girl!!!

So today it was announced to the world that Madonna and her daughter Lourdes will be launching a fashion line entitled ‘Material Girl (See what they did there.. fricking GENIUS). 

Being a fan of her eighties warblings, my favourites including Lucky Star, Holiday and Like a Virgin, I was intrigued to see whether the mother and daughter  design duo would embrace the old skool Madonna style I’ve come to love the most.

Thankfully I wasn’t disappointed, the decidedly Desperately Seeking Susan inspired collection ticked every trend associated with Madonna in her heyday.  Studded leather jackets, mini netted skirts and checked shirts are all amply provided and luckily there doesn’t appear to be a lurid lycra camel toe inducing leotard in sight.  Collective sigh of relief all round in regards to that one.

Funnily enough, whilst indulging in my regular Daily Mail Online browsing I noticed that Britney Spears has also announced the launch of her fashion line. WTF? For someone who has trouble buttoning up her own shirt I very much doubt that designing a collection will come as second nature.  The line that was inspired by the outfits worn on the singer’s Circus Tour is decidedly well, how can I put this? UGLY. Think denim waistcoats, odd length skirts, pleather jackets mixed with trailer trash charm and you’re halfway there. Although give Britney her due she’s been very honest with the tagline saying it represent her personal style. Which, quite frankly it does. 

In this day and age it seems every celebrity fancies themselves as a designer -Sadie Frost, Pearl Lowe, Sienna Miller and Kate Moss are all at it, cleverly creating brands that people will buy into at a stab of becoming a bit closer to their idol. And who can blame them? Mucho dinero all round. Fantastic Darling!

For all offers of a diffusion line with Lauren Martin entitled ‘BET LYNCH CHIC’ please contact Lauren@blow.co.uk

 xxxx

Joie de Vivre

Apparently divorce is something celebrated in France and French jeweller Gisele Ganne has created the perfect present for a newly Divorcée. The Divorce Knuckleduster is a four finger beauty of dense goldplate birdskull and flowers.

Divorce never looked so sweet. Available at Wolf and Badger

LL Cool J

TANTRICK GODDESS

With the sun in the sky and not a cloud in sight all any of us really want to do is strip off and go to the park / beach / pool. But in the limited British summer it's not just a case of relax-and-sit-back, it's a case of utilizing every second of sunlight to achieve that California perfect creosote glazed tan that'll make all your friends jealous. Here's the BLOW guide to bronzed perfection.

Start off a month before the sun (yes that means when it's raining in April - plan ahead!) taking Imedeen tan optimizing tablets. We're lead to believe taking 1 a day enriches the melanin in your skin and readies it for maximum tantasticity.

Then once the sun eventually shows itself (you'll already be off your face on tan optimizer by now so you're on the way to becoming a tanning machine) get some Sun reactive tan intensifying sun tan lotion. We like Nivea Sun Protect and Bronze (0% fake tan btw - so don't worry about streaks). Apply liberally, surely when it comes to anything bronzing the more the merrier.

Finally, when you're nicely crisp and golden from excessive sun exposure cool down with some tan enhancing after sun lotion. Simple do a good one and it's cheap, also cause it's simple it makes you feel more like you're actually caring for your skin and not just destroying it with sun. Again slosh it around like an old lush on Cabernet. It's good for you.

By now (it's probably mid-July, August?) you'll already have a tan people would kill for - and hopefully on some level still have healthy skin (... maybe - it doesn't really matter but convince yourself that at least you've minimized the damage the best you could). However, if you really want to take it to the next step...

Hawaiian Tropic Carrot Oil Enriched Tan Optimizing Tanning Oil Spray. SPF 0 - yes you heard right, ZERO! Now take note kids, this is not for the faint hearted - you'll essentially be basting yourself with Crisp'n'Dry and roasting your skin. But no pain no gain - hopefully all the Imedeen in your system will have made you immune to UV by now (or you'll have a leathery outer layer so impenetrable even napalm wouldn't leave a mark).

Happy tanning!

Ashx

Is Plastic Always Fantastic?

This is a subject which is close to my heart for those who know me, lets face it ladies, there’s something on all of us that we don’t like and if you haven’t already had it sucked, tucked, nipped and jabbed then the thought has probably crossed your mind.

There’s certain do’s and don’ts when it comes to the old knife, such as if you’re a man forget it or if your best your friends husband who is practising to be a surgeon offers to do those pesky varicose veins on the kitchen table run as fast as your patterned legs can carry you.

However if you do have a nose like a penguin and a chin that’s so long it catches on your tops when you take them off then you should already be on a waiting list. Don't get me wrong if you don;t like something get it fixed, but have it done properly.

Anyway I decided to give you the best and worst of some of Hollywoods silicone sisters complete with commentary.

I adore this cute as a button nose job, Cameron claimed she couldn't breath through her nose hence the assistance, you don't need an excuse

Nothing tickles me more than seeing Royalty getting more than a helping hand, Queen Silvia of Sweden ticked boxes for fillers, she's not aged in 20 years.

Kisses from Siberia

If your on a budget do not hang out the side of your convertible doing 90mph down the motorway for the wind swept effect . . .

It's one thing trying to look like your idol it's another going for an inflated version of . .

If one surgeon says no, don't go to another and offer more money, you will end up looking like an old age lady boy.

When asked what look your going for don't bring up Disney's images of The Lion King

And finally Daddy's money only ever buys square implants . . .

Portia Barbie Shaw x

PALOMA SAUVAGE

The delectable Paloma Faith wearing a SS10 Belle Sauvage showpiece dress whilst flailing giant orange marabou fans around wrapped up like a present with a giant green bow atop that fiery red mane. Snaps for Paloma everybody.

ashx

CHERELNETT

Who needs a premiership-partner when your hair is bigger than your face? Cheryl has entered the superstar mega-sphere by not only becoming the face of Elnett, but becoming the face on the can. Maybe it really is true what they say - the bigger the hair the closer to god.

Get it at Superdrug where it's their "fastest selling hairspray ever". Looks like she's on a post-Ashley one-woman mission to re-open the hole in the ozone layer - and we're 100% behind her all the way. Solidarity.

You've gotta fight fight fight fight fight for this hold. £2.91? Worth it.

Ashx

Oh Barbie!

Get your gay on with . . .

Portia x

The Empty Quarter

Qasimi Homme triumphed in Paris yesterday evening with their SS11 collection.
Showing their 3rd On-Schedule show, the day was scorching and the city looked beautiful.
A stunning venue at Espace Commines, the show had the perfect setting.



Tilted The Empty Quarter, the collection draws inspiration from Khalid Al Qasimi’s background in the Middle East, probing into the rural wilderness of a cross-cultural desert trek through time. The collection calls to an era past, returning to the beautiful tradition and mystical essence of the nomadic heritage from the ancient Middle East.
This latest collection exudes the signature tailoring of which Qasimi is famed for. Minimal lapels, sleeveless suiting, oversized shirting and unlined linen jackets are mixed with a rugged twist of oversized delicate cotton hooded tops all of which are underlined with a hint of the military. Leather makes an appearance in the form of sleeveless jackets, waistcoats are accentuated with sailor hoods whilst a leather and jersey all in one adds an intriguing twist. Impressive flowing trenches top the collection off, in fine delicate cotton and transparent technical fabrics



Unveiling the use of geometrical prints for the first time, Qasimi juxtaposes this with jersey and light woven knits to transport the collection a new dimension.



For more info contact jenny@blow.co.uk

Jenny xx

GOING DOWN THIS WEEK

Working when it's 30 degrees in the shade.

Yes we know you're all away at a festival/on holiday/reclining by the pool or all three of the above - but you don't have to put it in your out of office to rub it in...

London Fields.

Frankly, it's disgusting. Go to Primrose Hill with a small dog and a linen maxi dress instead to save yourself the hassle of constantly checking your flip-flops for used needles and fag butts.

The England football squad.

If we were as bad at our job as you are we would all be fired.

GOING UP THIS WEEK

Roof terraces.

Escape meltdown by heading up to the rooftops, we like Shoreditch House, The Boundary and The Clarendon

Lauren Martin's vertiginous bee-hive.

Fit boys sunbathing in the park.

The sun comes out and the shirts come off.

Kylie hearts Qasimi

Kylie being interviewed for Channel 4 wearing Scott Wilson for Qasimi bracelet.
Celeb max out.

Jenny xx

DIET TREND

If we eat enough Liz Hurley organic Beef Jerky maybe one day we'll all look like Liz Hurley.

Ashx

Tears & Tiara's . . .

I’m not a social butterfly by any stretch of the imagination however I would drop anything to get into Elton John’s White Tie and Tiara Ball held last night in our very own Queens hometown (I mean The Queen not Ashley from our office) of Windsor. Anyway I took it upon myself to post up some images of the evening and give Portia’s perspective on some of the best and worst attire of what i consider to be the social event of the year.

I desperately want to give Alex some credit here but Cheryl Tweedy already wore this dress making it so last week, it doesn’t look bad but some research should have gone into this uber-wags attire. No doubt she would have been spritzing her own perfume, Alex by Alex Curran over that glowing chest!

Heather Kerzner, wife of South African billionaire Sol Kerzner, renowned for being nothing but flawless, she even got her teeth bleached to match the dress code, snaps please for this timeless classic.

Liz Hurley deserves a standing ovation for this Versace number, fabulocity at it’s finest proving 40’s are definitely the new 20’s. Move over girls because this is how it’s done, complete with Arun Nayer looking quite the part and fitting the dress code to a t.

Kerry Katona has recently undergone some major renovations, weight loss, new look etc etc, however you can take the girl out of Warrington but you can’t take Warrington out of the girl, leave the acrylics and thighs at home next time.

Lady Gaga – words can’t even describe LG, love it or hate it she made an entrance like no other.

Lara Stone disappointed me in this number, she’s 26 and looks about 36, I want to love this but I can’t, David Walliams looking particularly handsome here. Let's hope Lara doesn't think that just because your married you can stop trying . . .

Miss World champion Rosanna Davidson thought she was entering another competition, all hail “Miss Glitzy Mess 2010”.

Myleene - great hair and fabulous diamonds but the dress is typical of Myleene’s style, in the words of Sue Sylvester swish it up . . .

Valentino matched his skin to the sumptuous leather of his Bentley, co-ordination obviously a key trend for the summer.

Now I’m putting my claws away and getting ready to bow down to the best dressed duo of the evening. Sharon Osbourne and daughter Kelly without a doubt set the standards this year. Kooky, first class and astounding don’t even come close to these two. Kelly you have never looked so good, Sharon your botox is insane, together your champions.

Portia Wan x

WIMBLEDON + TINA TURNER = AMAZING!!!

I don’t pretend to be a huge sports fan. The World Cup gets my attention mainly because I can check out the hot foreign players (those who know me, know my penchant for large foreheaded, square jawed Moorish looking men) but for some reason this year I’ve become very interested in Wimbledon. In truth this is mainly due to an article I saw on the Daily Mail which compared Venus Williams’ out fit to that of a Tina Turner show costume.

I really love Tina Turner… I’d quite like to be the love child that she had with Rod Stewart when they met on a rainy night in Georgia. Anyhow I digress, the whole comparison got me a thinking about some of the Wimbledon outfits we’ve been subjected to over the years.

To be frank the outfits from the 1860’s were pretty horrendous- how you are supposed to serve, run and volley when restricted by an ankle length skirt and tie for Christ’s sake?

By 1919 things had been shaken up - something to do with the 1^st World War and some volatile suffragettes. However it was still pretty dowdy and nothing compared to the sights we see on today’s courts.

My personal fave is Gertrude Moran’s outfit in 1949. The ensemble caused an absolute outrage mainly because it allowed her to flash her lace knickers- something which happens so much nowadays we don’t even bat an eyelid.

Fast forward to 2010 and all the players at Wimbledon are busting out fashion led court attire. If it isn’t Caroline Wozniacki sporting a Stella McCartney for Adidas then Sharapova is prancing around in a ‘Lawn Rose’ Nike dress. Although in my opinion neither of these top the Venus Williams, Tina Turner inspired dress you’ve got to give them top marks for trying.

GAME SET MATCH

Lauren xxx