GOING DOWN THIS WEEK

Xmas shopping in August

There is no wrapping paper festive enough or bauble baubley enough to make us start stocking up for Christmas is August. Hohoho? NO NO NO!

Ben Shepherd's GMTV Retirement

Why even bother waking up at all anymore...

Living with the parents

Anyone under the age of 18 you're excused. Anyone else - sort it.

GOING DOWN THIS WEEK

Holiday Snaps

Unless you went on a glamorous one-nighter to St Tropez with an oil tycoon and bumped into Beyonce on the beach we really couldn't care less about seeing pics of your crappy holiday

Pasty Bods

Footballer or not - we don't want to see that much pasty white flesh. Take a leaf out of Cristiano Ronaldo's book or cover up

International Trash-Mag Slag Katie Price

Stick with the singing. We're over the rest...

GOING DOWN THIS WEEK

Socks and Sandals

They're open toed for a reason - let your feet breath.

Gay Pride

Gay and proud - OK. Fumbling fags in boas, angel wings and bootcut jeans with flags tied round their necks? Stay at home.

Sunburn

If it's not OK on Kim Kardashian, it's definitely not OK on you.

GOING DOWN THIS WEEK

Working when it's 30 degrees in the shade.

Yes we know you're all away at a festival/on holiday/reclining by the pool or all three of the above - but you don't have to put it in your out of office to rub it in...

London Fields.

Frankly, it's disgusting. Go to Primrose Hill with a small dog and a linen maxi dress instead to save yourself the hassle of constantly checking your flip-flops for used needles and fag butts.

The England football squad.

If we were as bad at our job as you are we would all be fired.